MonkeyPope Archives: Stilton Camembert, Esq. on “The Resume of Stilton Camembert, Esq.”, 08 Mar 09

[I have a friend who is an amazing writer but he tends to abandon his writing projects often. I wanted to save his writings for posterity and make them more widely available.  The MonkeyPope Archives contain his collected works.  Stilton Camembert, Esq. is a character of his who lives in modern-day but was forged in the chauvenism of the turn of last century.]


Stilton Camembert, Esq.

March 8, 2009

The Resume of Stilton Camembert, Esq.

Welcome! As it is impossible to make a formal, proper introduction in our online forum, I am resorting to a novel technique to make your acquaintance. It has come to my attention that the other classes use these ‘resumes’ as a means of applying for work. How bizarre! But as it has piqued my fancy, I present to you the resume of Stilton Camembert, Esq.

N.B. I am of course not applying for any sort of formal work. I would be appalled if I gave that impression. Secondly, I am new to this internet and I ask that if you are to read my site, please possess a sense of culture and be clean.

Stilton Camembert, Esq.
Residing at Multiple Resorts
Contact my secretary by means of your secretary

Objective
To be appreciated for my sense fashion and exceptional nose for wine; to engage in leisurely activities along the French Riviera; to be sailed; to witness abominable acts and comment in a manner apathetic and pithy; to impregnate with impunity, in fact to do all things with impunity, especially if the objects of my actions belong to the petit bourgeois.
Education
Private Schooling since Youth. I refrain from naming my alma mater for fear of embarrassing those who did not attend it. I majored and minored in subjects my father thought would be beneficial, but for the life of me, I can’t recall them. Also active in a number of clubs, both country and social, all private.
Professional Experience
Please, I am not a field hand. If you seek someone with callouses and burnt skin, then I beg of you to disengage from my acquaintance.
Training
Well yes, I am of some refinement from years of training. What more would one require?
Interests
Observing Polo, tea sandwiches (they are so dainty!), collecting harpsichords, gin, daydreaming I am a British officer at the height of Imperialism, and mild buggery